Ramblin' Rosko

Ramblings of a Confessional Lutheran turned Orthodox Christian on life, God, and friends.


And always around the same time. Today, Feb 9, is my late father's birthday. I'm going to do what I always do: Rent Dr Strangelove and watch it. I used to own the film, but it has disappeared. But the title is about something else. I always start to get introspective and depressed. And no one notices until it all comes crashing down (I'm really good at putting on airs), so this time, I'm coming out front and saying it. This is one of those time. Right now. It will probably last for a good few weeks.

I have been reminiscing on old times, when my family was "complete" and many of us would be together for holidays, birthdays, etc. I miss those days, and especially today, I still get teary thinking about them. I miss when my mother wasn't sick, when my dad would take me and my brother out shooting model rockets into the air for hours on end. I miss the fireplaces and the Christmas tree that changed with the seasons. I miss actually communicating with my dad's side of the family, I miss them actually liking me and caring about me. I miss my nieces and nephews, my brothers and sister. I miss the members of my family I haven't seen in 5 years OR MORE! I always wonder what my father would think of me today. Would he be proud? Would he have disowned me too? I cannot know; I like to think that he would be happy with me.

But things change. Thankfully I am not completely alone. I have a wonderful parish family who supports me with prayer and fellowship, I have great priests who keep an eye out for me. I have friends who I can hang out with on occasion. People take me out for my birthday, have me over for Christmas or Thanksgiving. No, it's not the same, but it's better than being all alone. And for this I am forever thankful. Even if I don't show it, I am forever thankful.

I also have two wonderful choruses of men, mostly a good chunk of years older than me, who give me some worldly advice and help, who make me laugh, and with whom I create that sweet harmony in the barbershop style, the one that fills the man singing it with joy and happiness. These are the guys I go out and have a beer and sandwich with after rehearsal.

So, dear friends, brothers and sisters, please pray for me as I try to pull through this winter slump. And please pray for the soul of my father, Harry. May his memory be eternal!


Harry William Reineke III
Feb. 9, 1952-Jun. 6, 1998
Pictured here at about age 21
May he rest in peace!

4 comments

  1. blackincense  

    God bless you rosko, and I am praying for you. your grief is not something that other people get to vote on. I will be praying harder for you my dear friend...
    LOve always,
    C

  2. Adam  

    Rosko,

    I've been reading your blog for a couple weeks now, but this is my first time commenting. You will be in my prayers, and I hope that God will give you peace.

    Adam

  3. The Hermit  

    Vicnaja Pomjat!

    I, too, become overcome with the sense of grief and loss this time of year, my friend. My prayers, such as they are, are with you.

    Pax tecum,
    justinian

  4. Lucian  

    Depression isn't grief. If You grieve, then the thing, or living thing, or human person, that You grieve after has meaning to You. I'm not saying that You don't suffer (a lot), but Your pain is redeemable or saving; depression is not, since it's the fruit of self-abuse and self-centredness. And God bless You, kid! :-(

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